feeling like shit again today. I have just been eating everythng in my path. I only workedout once all week last week and ate a lot over thr weekend. I am just on like one big binge fest. I only have 112 days till I want to reach my ugw or atleast be down to 120. I feel so sick and disgusted with myself lately.  I don't know why I can't seem to gain control like I did before. I want to be able to dress nice and feel confindent when I am out or naked ( lol )   I just want a nice body. really really badly. I need really get control of myself badly.  I have been so depressed lately and I know its soley because of my weight. I went of my birth control the other day and I do feel less bloated which is nice because that was causing my tummy to be all gross and puffed up.  Now its better. I am going to bed at 138.7 tonight.
GROSS.
Hopefully I can report with some sort of success tomorrow.

stay strong xx

its good to be back

I can finally access my blog again , its been over a year trying to figure out how to get back in.
I am so beyond depressed. I am so fat and gross and ugh. I have a boyfriend I should be happy. Hes lovely and tells me pretty much everything a girl would want to hear. I just don't beleive him. at all. I am way to fat and disgusting to believe it. I know what I really look like. I bought a new bathing suit and everything but I am still fat. I have been eating decent but not good . I have been eating.....  which is bad. I keep looking at pictures of skinny girls and feeling like crap and watching skinny girls walk around. They don't know what they have. They are perfect. I am the most jealous person eer. I can't type fast enough to let out all that I am feeling and have been feeling like for so long. I felt okay before I got a boyfriend .  Now I just feel like I let myself go and gain "boyfriend weight" and it sucks. Im rambling I realize but I can't even put down what I am trying to explain. I give up. UGH