nothingtosay

sorry i havent been keeping up with this lately.
I have nothing to tell you besides im fat as all hell .
i fell so disgusted with myself.  i stare at myself in the mirror for hours and just wish i could slice open every
part of me and just pull out all the fat.

IM SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED.  im doing everything i can!

bahhumbug

today today today. what can i tell you about today.  it was fucking never ending it felt. We had some dumb promotional thing at work. so it was just crazy as all hell and the line up never ended. good lord. a lot of stupid effing people too.  I just wanted to jump over the counter and shake them!  eff . sorry kind of pissed cause im mad at my eating habits!
1/4cup Potatoe Salad
1/2cup of Soup
1/4th of a cookie...hardest thing to throw away ever.

and just now I had eggs on toast.
wtf is wrong with me.  Now I just want to shake myself.. for being so effing stupid about my choices!

my feeeeeeeeeet hurt so much! and I need to go to the gym!

I do not know what to do.

workout at home?

go to the gym?

starbucks

I dont really feel like typing today, haha im lazy. maybe because of my lack of engery right now.
I ate well..minus the 370cal slip up.  fucking tricky ass food! I worked out hard though..

today was good! still at 140 :) 

time for some pretty girls

struggles

Today was easy? Suprise Suprise!
I started out at work with a tea :) coconut chai ! yum! then by the time my break came around my stomach was yelling at me. So I gave in :( .... I had oatmeal which was 250.  So total cals till about 5pm was 260.  I think thats pretty good.  then I came home napped almost went on a junk food binge because every single fucking time I wake from my lovely slumbers I'm extremely grumpy and I crave sugar or bread. Just fatty foods. I just saw the most beautiful girl on PT ever. is that creepy? Anyways she had some before and after pics.. I want to be her after. so so bad. I see so much before and after and it makes me so depressed.  I want to put some up and have girls be like.  I want to be her.  Anyways,  I ran with my friend today came home and ATE! it wasnt garbaage at all.. acutally... the 3 crackers adn 3 skimmings of cheese were a little more then I wanted.. but my dad was hovering wondering why I was only eating 3 Strawberries, 5 cherrie tomatoes, 6 slices of cucumber, 8grapes... so I had to put some sort of carb on there.... sigh. I dont want to know how much that was.  my friend wanted to go out to get icecream after.. it just seems like such a waste.  I went bought my blizzard . cookiedough. from DQ. then I put it in my cup holder and drove around for a bit . She finished hers.  I tried to have one bite to prove I was eating it but it did not go down well at all. felt like I was swallowing a huge lump.  anyways, it ended up melting but she didnt notice. so I got home and just chucked it out :) Suprise Suprise!

tomorrow is a new day.  I will do better tomorrow.

and fuck my weight is fluxuating again! 

I was 140.3 like 2hrs ago.  now im 141.

quickpostforthefollowers

http://www.hereswhatyouare.com

 

 

 

storyofmylife

Curiosity

I'm very curious as to why on a day that I ate like absolute garbage, sat around and watched movies, and did not exercise that my weight would drop 3 pounds.  I hate this fluctuating shit. its gets my hopes so high and so low. I just want to be at my goal weight. I wish I could wake up tomorrow, roll out of bed and feel light as a feather. that would be just fucking perfect.  There would be no fight. but. fight I must.  I guess I can take this 140.6 at the end of the day as a good sign.. usually that is a morning weight. not sure if I feel excited or happy. actually I think I'm hopeful.

todays grotesque consumption consisted of : Two lowfat waffles with a tsp of syrup 160cals, single peice of a spicy tuna roll 80cals? (sushi calories are hard to count >:| ) TDM Mondito Burrito 430cals, tim hortons Icecap with milk 150cals.  grand total 820.

now someone please tell me why my weight is down.

buddies

I picked up so many new dieting buddies from my website! yay ! 
hopefully they will keep me on the right track . I did not eat terribly today but I ate? and thats exactly what someone who looks like me should not do.  I had 2 chocolate so goods, some veggie soup, a veggie samosa (so high cal!) and then I ate a piece of bread while I was toasting a piece of bread (it was brown? does that make it any better?) which I then continued to load up with creamed cheese.....Never should have bought that bloody stuff! its 40cals for every tsp. I believe. Oh and to wash it all down I had a push up (soft icecream in a tube) it was only 70cals thank god because I am addicted!  I also dont think my running partneer is going to run tonight.. im trying to think of a way I can go by myself even though it wont be that great a run becuase my entire body hurts from my ab workout and baseball practice.  I had to do a billion sprints.. or atleast thats what it felt like. It felt good though.. and not going to lie I didnt mind running.  I can show off a little I am the fastest on the team :)

So excited for summer.. and more so when Im thin :)

dayoff

I had a day off today and had a strict plan! I was going to be lazy and not eat.. then perhaps go for a run.. I definatly was lazy and I ate.  Bordem got the best of me :(  I had waffles with syrup and butter and a cup of milk. Then I ate.. a frerro roche and then I had about a cup of Ben amd Jerrys Icecream... then I had a peice of toast with cream cheese and now I'm sitting here watching youtube videos, going on prettythin and thinking about how I should be running.... maybe I'll do a quick workout with Jillian Michaels. Need to get  into summer body mode. Not much time left ! Ohyeah, that gym day I was suppose to have with that super fit girl is... not happening today cause I think she forgot... soo......  eff me right. and lately my running buddy has been not feeling up to running.. just walking...and its so frustrating becuase I cant be like I want to go without you.. that would just cause problems.. shes just not into it right now.  so annoying.  OHWELL .
cant make excuses for everything.... this is on me.  I just wish I had some sort of legit progress for you guys.  I remember in November I got down to 138 and just about shit my pants.  most progress Ive made for awhile. I had a buddie helping me thats why . I need her backk ! :( 

and now for some skinny bitchess.